My husband won’t let me start a postpartum care business
by Antonia Anderson
At Newborn Mothers, we collect feedback from people who consider the Postpartum Care and Education course but don’t end up enrolling. This is always very interesting to read. One of the reasons that people sometimes share is that their husbands don’t want them to start a business providing postpartum care services.
Here’s an example of one of the comments we received:
“Honestly, the only thing that has prevented me from undergoing the training so far, is the unknown over the other side. Starting one’s own business is daunting; starting one’s own business in a fairly unknown field with unknown clients in a time of economic uncertainty, is even MORE daunting! I probably would have just launched into the training, trusting that your business modules will be all I need, but my husband is much more cautious and wants me to present him with the facts and figures that show that this is a viable business for us, so that’s what I’m working on figuring out. You have produced several emails and podcasts that are helping me along the way!”
Here’s another one:
“The most difficult thing about the training so far is convincing my husband that this is the right career choice for me. The study part so far has been smooth sailing... well once I got my head around how to use a computer again😀.”
Here’s one last message from someone whose husband wasn’t too keen:
“Thanks Julia for the info, unfortunately hubby and I are not quite on the same page regarding the investment and it needs to be a decision we are both happy with.”
Julia and I were discussing this phenomenon the other day and marveling that we still need to have this conversation in this day and age! How interesting that women still feel they need their husbands' “permission”—often the same husbands who advanced their chosen careers largely due to the free childcare and housework their wives provided.
Julia’s exact words were, “I can't believe we still have to write this in 2024 but it's still a major objection for our potential customers. I thought when I started working with professional women, I'd be able to leave the dad block behind!”
Rather than stick our fingers in our ears and say la la la women shouldn’t have to ask their husbands for permission, we thought we’d take a cold hard look at WHY some women might feel this way…and if you are one of them, give you some pointers to get your husband or partner on board.
By the way, we haven’t received any feedback from women whose wives don’t want them to start a business. So I’ll focus on husbands in this article.
Why does the husband block happen?
The first thing I want to point out is that some men may not realise that their objections are coming from a place of systemic inequality and sexism. They may genuinely think that they are looking out for their wives, being financially prudent, responsible and so on.
And some men may be fully aware of how the status quo benefits them and unwilling to change. If your husband belongs to this second category of men, it’s unlikely that our tips will change his mind.
Either way, talking with him about your desire to start a postpartum support business should at least give you some insight into the situation.
Finally, sometimes the husband block is rooted in a woman’s perception of how a wife and mother ought to behave. She may feel that she isn’t “allowed” to use household money for childcare until her business is generating a profit. Or that she should only work on it once everyone is in bed asleep, so it doesn’t cut into quality time with hubby. Or she may give her husband’s opinion greater weight in her decision-making process than her own opinion.
Do you need your husband’s permission?
The first question to ask yourself is, do you really need his “permission”?
I don’t mean do you need his emotional support or encouragement, I’m talking about on a very practical level.
For example,
Do you share finances?
Does he provide childcare or help pay for childcare?
Do you live together?
If this is a romantic or sexual partner who you don’t live with, who doesn’t contribute to the childcare load and who doesn’t share finances with you, then his opinion on your choice of career won’t have any concrete impact. Of course, it is always pleasant to have your partner’s encouragement and loving support, but it’s not strictly necessary from a practical point of view.
However, in some situations, ongoing support is essential. You really do need reliable, consistent childcare. You need peace of mind that bills will continue to be paid while you build up your paying clientele. You need to carve out working hours in your week, not scrounge 5 minutes here and there in between washing the dishes and changing nappies. It’s not as easy as saying, “I don’t need permission from my husband!” because you genuinely can’t do the required work to build your business without his support.
How to get your husband on board
So let’s assume that you would really love to start your career in postpartum support. You are passionate about maternal care, you see the need for it, and you believe that you have the skills and capacity to run a successful business. (You do!)
But your husband isn’t so sure. Here are a few objections he might raise, along with some suggested talking points.
Objection: We can’t afford childcare.
Your reply:
If I weren’t here, you’d have to either quit your job or somehow find a way to pay for childcare. I’ve loved many aspects of staying home and caring for our kids, but it’s also hard work. And it’s work I do for zero pay.
I’m sure we can find some areas to cut back on financially so that our family can afford a few hours of childcare a week. Or maybe we could ask friends or family for help with childcare? Or I could work on the weekends when you are home? Will you help me brainstorm some ideas?
Objection: It’s too risky to start your own business.
Your reply:
Every job carries some amount of risk. Starting my own business doesn’t have to require a huge financial outlay. If it doesn’t work out after a year, we can re-evaluate.
For example, here are some risks I face working in a “conventional” job.
Sexual harassment (almost 2 in 5 women in Australia)
Working for less money than a man would receive doing the same job (Australia’s national gender pay gap is 13% for full-time employees)
Losing my job unexpectedly, with no recourse
Having to work hours that don’t suit our family
Hostile work environment or bullying from co-workers
Dip in mental health or self-esteem if the work is not rewarding
Starting my own business and working in a conventional job BOTH carry different risks. It’s not a matter of choosing a “safe” option, it’s a matter of deciding which risks we can mitigate. This decision affects our whole family, but at the end of the day, it’s me doing the actual work.
Objection: I’m just looking out for you, I’d hate for you to put a lot of time and energy into this and be disappointed when it doesn’t work out.
Your reply:
I’m willing to experience disappointment, and I’m sure I’ll make lots of mistakes along the way — after all, mistakes are a normal part of learning and growing. In fact, I would be more disappointed with myself if I never even gave this a try.
While I appreciate that you don’t want me to be disappointed, it’s not helpful for me to hear that. The best way you can support me is to keep your doubts to yourself. If you can’t do that, let’s not discuss it at all.
Objection: I’m not convinced, show me some facts and figures.
Your reply:
It seems like you want me to do the labour of researching and collating information to give you peace of mind. I personally feel confident about my decision, so I’m not sure how this labour would benefit me.
In fact, this reminds me a lot of the time when you didn’t like the first babysitter I picked, so I spent 3 hours interviewing others. Or the time that you thought the kids should only eat organic puree, which created an extra 30 minutes of work for me per day. Or how about the time that I read all those books on biologically normal infant sleep and then presented you with a summary, so you only had to do 20 minutes of listening and thinking to my 20 hours?
Perhaps it’s time for YOU to provide ME with the facts and figures, babe!
Some actual data you can share with hubby…
What did you think of my suggested reply to the last objection? Okay, okay, might not be a good fit for every relationship dynamic…but it might be cathartic to say out loud into the mirror?! ;)
If you want to provide your husband with some evidence that a postnatal care business is viable, we can help you with this as well. And hopefully, these resources will boost your confidence and belief in yourself too! (In some cases, the “husband block” is actually an excuse because YOU are feeling nervous about starting a business! This was definitely the case for me when I started out as a postnatal doula — my husband was on board from the beginning but I had lots of doubts.)
Here are some resources you can share with your husband, partner or whoever else you rely on for support:
Podcasts featuring postpartum business owners (great to listen to together on a car drive)
Blog posts:
If you’re over 40 this is a great one: Changing careers in your 40s, 50s, and 60s
Husband curious about the actual job — check this out: What does a postpartum professional do? A look into their job description
Here’s a tip: search our podcasts and blog posts to find stories of graduates in your country! For example, type “Germany” or “England” into the search bar on this page and you’ll get relevant results. (We don’t have graduates in every country yet - maybe one day!) You can also search other terms that might be relevant to your situation or any special skills you have, like “nutrition” or “breastfeeding” or “advocacy.”
You can also share the enrolment page with him, as it’s packed with information. Plus, he can see for himself that we are not some fly-by-night organisation! Newborn Mothers has provided world-leading, evidence-based postnatal education to professionals for over a decade, with 1500+ students in 60+ countries.
The flip side of the “husband block” is the man who sees his wife put 110% into her business, gradually get clients, make good money and feel more fulfilled than she has in years…we get emails from graduates who say their husbands are now their biggest cheerleaders!
This is a great outcome, but obviously, it would be ideal if you could get the practical and emotional support you deserve from the very beginning. Hopefully, that is a realistic vision for you; it is much easier to succeed in business when you have a partner who believes in you and your goals.
Plus, your success benefits your family too! You might want to mention to your partner that Julia says her husband has always been her biggest supporter. He loved that he could take six months off work for them to travel (entirely paid for by Julia’s business income). He also loves that he's been able to work part-time and be a more hands-on dad for the last few years because of Julia’s business income.
If your husband simply isn’t able to provide unconditional emotional support while you are building your business, make sure you surround yourself with people who fill that gap: join a mastermind or networking group, get to know female business owners in your local area, team up with professionals working in other areas of maternal care. Many of our current students stay in touch after graduation to support each other, and you can also choose to join the Postpartum Professional Membership.
