Why unconscious biases matter for postpartum doulas
By Julia Jones
A bias is a predisposition to believe that certain people, ideas, beliefs or behaviours are fundamentally better than others. Biases may influence our behaviour, often causing us to treat people unfairly based on our own beliefs.
Biases are often unconscious. We can think of them as prejudices or judgemental beliefs that are simmering just beneath the surface of our awareness.
Everyone has unconscious biases. We all judge other people for their beliefs, actions, or appearance.
It’s impossible to eliminate judgmental thoughts entirely, but that doesn’t mean we have to believe them or share them with other people. We can actively practice becoming more aware of our own biases and provide better postpartum care as a result.
Why should postpartum professionals work to recognise unconscious biases?
Connect with compassion and build trust
Firstly, by becoming aware of our beliefs, we can get curious about them, and perhaps bring some compassion into play — both for ourselves and for the person we are judging.
In most situations in the postpartum phase, there’s really not one right or wrong choice to make. It depends very much on the unique circumstances of the family. With less judgment and more compassion, postpartum professionals can support families to make the appropriate choices for themselves.
Compassion is key for postpartum support work, because judging the parents of a newborn undermines a trusting and open relationship. If a client senses your judgement, they may shut down. They may stop sharing things with you and stop asking you for information and support. If that happens, you'll never get the opportunity to share any evidence-based information, to be the shoulder that they cry on or to help them make the right decision for their family.
Stay professional
Secondly, by recognising unconscious biases, we make it easier to provide the same professionalism to all our clients. All parents of newborns deserve the same respectful, non-judgmental care, regardless of their beliefs and lifestyles.
Your client might say, "you're like my best friend," or “it's like having an older sister”, or "it feels like you're my mom." From their side, that’s a lovely way to feel. But from your side, if you are supporting them as a postpartum doula or other professional, it is not appropriate to treat them as a friend or family member. You can be warm and friendly while still being professional.
Become a better doula
Examining our own biases can be confronting, but it’s valuable work. It can help you become more open-minded and curious about potential clients and their beliefs, experiences, and decisions. This might help you become more confident to support a wider variety of families as a postnatal doula or other support provider.
Why new parents are especially vulnerable to other people’s judgment
Newborn parents are going through a time unlike any other in their lives. Here are a few factors that make this phase of life so vulnerable to your stories, opinions, experiences and judgment:
Sleep deprivation and not always having daily needs met
Social isolation and lack of support
Going through big life transition and changes in world view
New parents are desperate for answers
When everything is so new and unfamiliar, parents of young babies are often desperately searching for answers. They want someone to save them. It's very common for them to say to the professionals supporting them, "Just tell me what to do! I want someone else to make this decision for me!" But rarely is the answer so simple and black and white!
If you are a professional supporting a new family like this, your clients may be putting you on a pedestal. They may perceive you as being in a position of great authority. They may hold your decisions, your experiences, and even your personal opinions in high regard. You need to be aware that they’ll probably give more weight to what you tell them, than that of a peer in their mother's group.
When you're in this position of supporting a new family as a postpartum doula or other professional, you need to be really careful to honour the trust they have in you.
Sometimes simply sharing a choice that you've made can feel like advice to your client on what she should do or a judgment on her if she makes a different decision than you.
It may not always be clear to our clients when we are giving them advice based on evidence and research, and when we are simply sharing a personal anecdote. So it’s up to us as professionals to make that boundary clear. Ideally, we should avoid sharing our personal experiences as much as possible.
The power of personal stories versus statistics
Have you ever shared a statistic with someone and had them respond, “Oh. That's not true in my experience," as if their single experience is more significant than hundreds of other experiences? Perhaps you’ve heard people argue, “I've never known anyone that that's happened to.”
It’s frustrating to get this response when you’re the one using data to back up your point, but we’ve all been on the other side of this, too! Someone might share some data with us, but we disregard it because it doesn’t match our personal experience.
Often, a story is actually a more compelling way of explaining something to someone. We all enjoy telling and listening to stories. It’s human nature.
The problem is if you share both an anecdote and some evidence-based information, your client may actually hold the anecdote in higher regard.
For example, they may ask you, “How long did you breastfeed your baby?”
You tell them, and then you also share some evidence-based information from the World Health Organisation about the recommended duration of breastfeeding.
But what sticks in their mind is the personal story that you’ve shared. They might be thinking that since you breastfed for a certain amount of time, that’s the “correct” thing to do.
The same goes for stories you share about the types of products you used, or childcare, or first foods. Your client may unthinkingly mimic all your choices, even though they may not be based on scientific evidence or appropriate for their unique situation.
This human tendency to hold anecdotes in higher regard than data is another reason why we encourage postpartum support providers to avoid sharing personal stories.
Increased empathy makes mothers more likely to notice judgmental thoughts
Did you know that pregnancy triggers unique brain adaptations? One of these neurological shifts is that mothers become more aware of the way other people are thinking and feeling. They become more empathetic and more in tune with other people's body language and tone.
Curious about why this happens? Read this blog post: What causes baby brain
This increase in empathy means that even a change in your expression, raised eyebrows, or tone of voice may influence your clients at a subconscious level. If a mother shares a choice with you, and you have a judgmental thought towards her, that may come through in your tone of voice or facial expression.
If you flinch, tense up, take a quick breath or start to interrupt her she will pick up on all of these little things. As a postpartum support provider, the ideal is always to be calm and regulated while with clients, which is why it’s so important to do the inner work in managing our own unconscious biases.
How to overcome unconscious biases and become a better postnatal doula
In the Postpartum Care and Education Training, our students learn to help clients make decisions that are in line with their own goals, values and situation. They practice strategies for raising awareness of biases and supporting all families to a very high professional standard. Here’s a quote from one of our graduates who loved this aspect of the course:
“Julia is mindful of reminding us of our role in supporting all types of families. Getting aware of our biases and triggers and inviting us to adopt a non-judgmental and open minded approach.”
Supporting postpartum professionals to do the inner work and overcome unconscious biases has been foundational to Newborn Mothers from the beginning. Here’s another quote from way back in 2015 that demonstrates our commitment to non-judgmental support:
“I am absolutely rapt that I bought your course. It is a breath of fresh air to listen to somebody who supports ALL mothers’ individual goals, approaches and struggles from such a supportive, nurturing and non-judgemental place.”
For postnatal professionals or anyone who works with new parents, doing this inner work is crucial. It helps us connect with compassion, stay professional, support a wider variety of families and excel in our roles.
It’s not necessary to agree with all of our clients’ choices. Despite our private opinions, we can ensure each newborn parent feels equally held, nourished and respected. That’s what it means to be non-judgmental.
