Caring For Your Sick Newborn - A First Time Mum’s Guide
Doulas are not medical professionals and cannot treat, cure or diagnose illness or disease. So it might be hard to imagine how a doula can help if your baby gets sick.
Doulas can provide emotional and practical support to new families, which can be really valuable, and in this blog post we’ll take a look at how doulas can support new families when a baby gets sick.
Becoming a mother changes everything, but it’s impossible to truly understand the scope of this transformation until you’re in the thick of it. Nine months of pregnancy have come and gone, and now you're cradling your sweet bundle of joy in your arms, ready to begin life together as a family.
Undoubtedly, the transition to motherhood is one of the most rewarding and challenging experiences in your life. Things will never be the same as you experience profound internal shifts in understanding the world around you.
The Overwhelm of Being A First Time Mum
Motherhood, though an enriching experience, is also demanding. It can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, alternating between euphoria and disappointment and excitement and desperation. A one-size-fits-all manual would come in handy, but motherhood feels wildly different for everyone.
One thing many mothers have in common is big feelings.
You may be awash with intense emotions; perhaps you feel like you have no idea what you're doing, exhaustion kicks in, maybe you don’t even know who you are anymore, and your ‘bundle of joy’ is screaming at the top of their lungs. Suddenly, you’re overwhelmed trying to remember everything you read in those baby books and blogs, but your new mum-brain is coming up empty.
Adjusting To Motherhood As A First Time Mum
Those first few weeks with your newborn can feel like information overload. It’s common to find yourself anxiously second-guessing all your decisions, hoping for reassurance but instead getting more and more confusing and conflicting advice.
It’s natural to want to protect your new baby, but this newly heightened awareness can still feel overpowering. Suddenly, you’re worrying about things you never used to think about, feeling out of your comfort zone with unfamiliar topics. No wonder you’re feeling overwhelmed and confused.
Let’s not beat around the bush: it can be terrifying when your newborn falls sick for the first time. At some point, most first time mums will find themselves vacillating between wanting to rush to the emergency department and wanting to go back to sleep.
How Can Postpartum Doulas Help When Your Baby is Sick?
Before we dive deeper, this blog will not be about how to diagnose, treat or cure common illnesses among newborns; doulas aren’t medical professionals.
Instead, this blog will hone in on how a postpartum doula can help you navigate the emotional turmoil of having a sick baby and support you with referrals so that you know who to call and when.
Postpartum Doulas Help Identify Early Warning Signs & Provide Evidence-Based Information
Doulas can help you figure out what is normal and when things require further attention. We can direct you toward the latest evidence-based information when you have concerns or questions. This can prevent health issues from spiralling out of control.
Sometimes it’s hard for a first-time mum to know if it’s normal to be breastfeeding so often, if their baby is getting enough sleep and if that rash is harmless or an indication of something more serious.
Postpartum Doulas Can Refer First Time Mums to the Appropriate Support
When more help is required, doulas can refer you to appropriate support, like home-visiting doctors, health hotlines, and allied health professionals. A good doula will know what’s available in your local area and what can be accessed for free, through public health or with insurance rebates. She’ll also know which kind of professional is best qualified to support you with your specific concerns.
I like to refer to it as a ‘little black book’ of resources to help clients receive the support they need early, prevent stress and worry, and reduce the risk of things spiralling out of control.
This can include:
Breastfeeding support; hotlines (1800 686 268 in Australia), Internationally Board Certified Lactation Consultants and local peer support groups.
Medical professionals; hotlines (1800 022 222 in Australia), midwives, paediatricians and pelvic floor physiotherapists.
Mental health support; hotlines (1800 726 306 in Australia), psychologists and peer support groups.
Doulas will also likely know about the support available for distressing situations like grief and loss, and family violence.
Postpartum Doulas Help First Time Mums Debrief Before & After Medical Appointments
Attending medical appointments as a new mum with a sick baby is a whole new can of worms. It’s common to experience ‘information overload’ and decision fatigue; you may have a thousand questions to ask your medical professional, only to forget them as soon as the appointment begins! A postpartum doula can help you organise these thoughts to maximise your appointment.
Your doula can help you write down key points, make sense of the risks and benefits of medical decisions, find out how much time you have to make a decision and if it’s worth getting a second opinion.
Postpartum Doulas Help First Time Mums Build Their Support Network
A doula’s job is to work themselves out of a job. What do I mean by that? Postpartum doulas are here to help first-time mums create sustainable support systems that they can lean on when emotionally challenging situations resurface in the future.
After all, back in the day, an entire community would band together to support new mothers; postpartum doulas seek to recreate this tradition and build a support network by connecting the new parent with fellow families, classes, groups, and health professionals.
Often it can be difficult to carry out medical advice alone. For example, you may need help with expressing milk, sticking to a particular diet or remembering to take medications. Your doula can help you set up healthy support systems to keep you on track.
Postpartum Doulas Won’t Offer Unsolicited Advice.
When your newborn is feeling unwell, it can be emotionally draining for you and your family, friends, and the people who love you.
Unsolicited advice can come in hot from all directions! Not to crucify our loved ones for trying to help, because most of the time, their intentions are sound. However, when you’re already dealing with the stress of caring for a sick baby, the last thing you want is conflicting, anecdotal information. Sometimes, our loved ones can be attached to outdated and even unsafe information about caring for a sick newborn.
It can make a world of difference to have someone outside your inner circle - like a postpartum doula - to guide you through this experience, process your emotions, and gracefully handle any unsolicited advice.
Is My Baby Sick or Do I Need Support With Anxiety?
Having a baby triggers rapid and dramatic changes in your brain. Motherhood makes you fiercely protective and highly motivated to care for your baby. You might find yourself scanning the environment for threats or watching your baby sleep to check they are still breathing. To a degree, this hyper-vigilance is normal and peaks after about a month. It then diminishes but likely leads to long term rewiring that makes you a great mother.
These changes can feel unsettling and exhausting. When does learning to be a good parent cross the line into anxiety, hypervigilance or controlling or obsessive thoughts that require some extra support from professionals? Having a sick baby can be incredibly stressful too, and you might need some extra support in this case.
If your negative feelings endure longer than two weeks, or if they interfere with day-to-day activities like eating, sleeping, or caring for your newborn, it’s time to ask for help. It can be incredibly difficult to say that you’re not coping, but it’s the first step to finding more peace and joy in the transition to motherhood.
A postpartum doula can share some mental health self-assessment tools with you, and refer you to support services if you feel like you might need them.
Postpartum Doulas Are Here to Help
Having a new baby can be exhausting. Never underestimate the power of small (or big) acts of service in helping with this mental, emotional and physical load, and that’s what your postpartum doula is here for. Our purpose is to bring comfort and joy to new families which can look different for everyone.
Of course, every client wants something different; maybe you would like your postpartum doula to make you soup, hold the baby while you shower or take a nap, or simply provide a comforting shoulder to cry on when you feel overwhelmed.
Every postpartum doula offers something different too; this may include massage, breastfeeding support, baby massage instruction, and food preparation to name a few.
It’s important to find the right postpartum doula for you and your needs.
Postpartum Doulas Help You Navigate Caring For A Sick Newborn
We’ve established that becoming a mother can be a roller coaster of emotions! That’s why more and more women are leaning on doulas during their postpartum time. Looking after your newborn can be all-consuming, and whilst you focus all of your attention on your baby, who will be looking out for you?
If a postpartum doula's emotional and physical support sounds like something you’re interested in, I’ve compiled an online, worldwide directory for doulas at my website, Newborn Mothers. You’ll find local postpartum professionals, mothers groups, belly binding, massage, online services and meals to support your transformation.
Maybe you want to take it one step further and take your first step towards becoming a postpartum support professional yourself. Working in postnatal care for 15 years, I offer online professional training through Newborn Mother Collective. There’s a lot to learn about the transformative power that doulas hold, so please explore and reach out if you have any questions.
