Gender Inclusive Language in Birth and Postpartum Care
I remember hearing a story about women in the writer’s room. The writer’s room is where TV shows are created and refined, and not surprisingly, they are traditionally full of men.
A writer’s room once tried to develop a female character and realised they would do better with a woman in the room. And once a woman was in the room, she opened the door to all kinds of diversity. She asked why there were no disabled, queer, black or Asian people in the writer’s room and the TV show became much more interesting and complex, with multi-dimensional characters with all kinds of life experiences.
I’ve always liked to think of feminism (especially white feminism) in that way. Once there is a crack in the door we wedge it wide open and bring the whole world with us.
But unfortunately, this is not how it always operates.
I’ve been really sad to see the level of misunderstanding, hatred and fear towards transgender people in the birth community reaching new heights in recent months. Perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised since we are seeing people in all kinds of communities being radicalised online in record numbers these days.
I understand many midwives and doulas spend a lot of time advocating for woman-centred care, and that we still have a long way to go to protect the rights of birthing women, and indeed all women. We are habituated to defending women against bad policies, but much of the reaction to trans-inclusive policies are based on our own fear and trauma.
These are misguided attempts to thwart a perceived threat, rather than an actual threat.
The flames are fanned by media who love to divide us, headlines read:
“Midwives in England have been told to stop using terms including “breastfeeding” and “breastmilk.”
The way the media spins these stories is simply untrue and designed to create conflict. This is exactly how the patriarchy makes us - vulnerable people - believe we have to fight for crumbs. To convince us that there isn’t enough cake for all of us.
Transgender people aren’t trying to erase women, that’s the work of the patriarchy. Trans people are simply saying, “We exist too.”
Often transphobia is about the misdirected fear and trauma of the perpetrator. But trans-people are ultimately the victims here, not cis-women, so it’s time we stop being so defensive.
Only around 0.4% of people currently self-identify as trans, and trans people are affected by many of the same kinds of systemic discrimination as cis women. Trans people are nearly 30% more likely to be victims of violence, they face discrimination at school, work and even in their own homes. Transgender people are more likely to be homeless, to be the victim of a hate crime and have more difficulty accessing safe healthcare. Sound familiar?
Transgender and non-binary families often turn to homebirth, because they feel unsafe in the hospital, just like cis women. And it’s incredibly important that we stick together, and advocate for the human rights of all people.
But right now, some of those spaces are divided and hostile, dominated by the right-wing narrative that the queer community is here to erase motherhood.
Just a thought… Laurence Fox and Piers Morgan were not considered feminist icons last time I checked. Maybe we should stop amplifying the voices of conservative, white, men in feminist spaces and instead start listening to people who are actually affected by policies like these. People who have experienced violence, coercion and abuse, just like us.
Here is the actual policy, before it got co-opted and manipulated by divisive media and right-wing pundits.
“Please note that these language changes do not apply when discussing or caring for individuals in a one-on-one capacity where language and documentation should reflect the gender identity of the individual. When caring for cis women it is good practice to use terminology that is meaningful and appropriate to the individual; this may include terms such as woman, mother or breastfeeding.”
These policies are about embracing a new language, not erasing the current language. We are bringing more people into the room, not kicking anyone out.
And policies like this aren’t even new! But sadly the backlash is certainly growing.
In 2018 La Leche League Canada and US made a joint statement.
“Chestfeeding is a term used by many transmasculine and non-binary parents to describe how they feed and nurture their children from their bodies. Some prefer the term nursing instead, while others prefer breastfeeding. We use all of these words, and our volunteer Leaders warmly accept whatever term a family chooses for their own experiences.”
Here at Newborn Mothers, we’ve been making more effort to reflect gender diversity in our work for a couple of years now. We love the word mother as an ancient and powerful feminine archetype that has been undervalued for too long and needs to be reclaimed - for everyone! Mother earth. Mother nature. Essential. Compassionate. Vulnerable. Fertile. Sacred. Worth caring about. And remember, the patriarchy is the only one trying to erase mothers.
We also understand not all parents identify as women or mothers, so throughout our courses, blog and podcast we try and interchange words like the pregnant parent, human milk and the pronoun they, so that everyone feels recognised somewhere in the broader body of work.
The scarcity mindset that there isn’t enough room for all of us is frustrating and holds everyone back. Why not both? It’s not either/or, it can be both/and. All people can be acknowledged and supported. We need to maintain an abundance mindset when it comes to human rights.
