Five ways to rekindle your sex life after baby

Having a baby can change your life in so many ways, including changing your sex life.

After having a baby, breastfeeding hormones can reduce your libido and cause vaginal dryness, which might make the thought of having sex quite unappealing. Plus, the stress of motherhood, constant interruptions and lack of sleep can delay things for quite some time. I’ve talked to some mothers who waited for two years to have sex again after having a baby.

On the other hand, I’ve spoken to women who feel very sensual and orgasmic after childbirth. Increased respect for your powerful body and increased sensitivity can lead to an improved sex life! If so, enjoy!

If you are happy taking a break from sex, that is totally fine. But if you feel like sex is a thing of the past, and you’d like to explore that side of yourself again, here are a few ideas to inspire you.

1. Get healthy

Postnatal depletion is a real thing!

Spend your first forty days after birth resting and healing. Eat well. Sleep as much as you can. Have massages and bind your belly. In most cultures, sex is prohibited during this time, although you can safely have sex again as soon you stop bleeding and your wounds are healed.

Once you are up and about, get your body strong and working smoothly. Hip alignment, pelvic floor weakness and back pain can all interfere with your sex drive and ability to orgasm. Go and see a physio if you need support and guidance.

Consider your mental health. If you have experienced birth trauma, get appropriate therapy to help you feel safer and reconnect with your body and desires. It is imperative that you feel in control of your body and your choices and that your partner understands your fears and needs.

2. Hand over responsibility

Many mothers feel fatigued by the logistics of running a household. It can be difficult to meet your family's needs, let alone consider your desires! Some mothers still want to have sex but just don’t have the energy to initiate. If your partner wants sex, too, delegate the responsibility to them.

Delegating responsibilities outside of the bedroom can help, too. Your partner may be able to take on more housework and childcare, plus take responsibility for creating the time and space for intimacy.

3. Don’t have sex

It’s totally ok if you aren’t up for it just yet. If you want to, you can keep the intimacy alive in your relationship through other forms of connection like kissing, cuddling, and massage. It’s very normal to have a low sexual desire after having a baby; it’s natural family planning! Wait as long as you like. 

But in the meantime, keep talking to your partner about how you are feeling and what you need from each other. Don’t let sex grow into a big awkward topic that you both tiptoe around.

4. Spend time together without the kids

If you have grandparents or babysitters or friends who you can leave the kids with, go and have a night out when you can! Try and do some of the fun things you used to do together before you had kids. Get to know each other again. Celebrate what you've created together. Just spend some time connecting with each other.

5. Try relationship counselling

Whether things are really rocky or you are doing more maintenance or preventative work, relationship counselling can help. Many couples experience a moderate to severe crisis in the transition to parenthood. Counselling can be highly effective at improving relationships and preventing breakdown for most people.

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