Recipe for a peaceful car drive with a baby
It’s a bit of a myth that babies love the car. Truth is sometimes they sleep and sometimes they scream with more endurance than you would have thought possible for such a tiny creature. Having just returned from an AMAZING long car drive with my third baby here are a few things I have learned along the way to help make long car trips more peaceful.
Have a baby who likes the car
Some babies will just cry more in the car when others. So if I’m being really honest with the recipe, the first ingredient is an easy going baby who enjoys driving. Babies are born with different temperaments and if you have a crier on your hands it’s not your fault. Having said that some of these tips might help a little even with babies who don’t like the car. It’s well worth a try!
Use a mirror so your baby can see you
I love those mirrors for rear-facing babies so you can see each other. They may not always stop the crying but it’s a good way to stay in touch whilst you are in the front seat. Sometimes you can talk or sing or make funny faces and your baby can see you in the mirror.
Offer baby a bottle of breast milk
Not all that long ago mothers would just hold their babies in their laps in the passenger seat and breastfeed whilst the car was driving!! It’s hard to believe now that we know much more about car safety, but when your baby is screaming and you still have 4 hours of driving ahead of you, it’s easy to understand why that would have been appealing.
One of my clients once shared that she gives her baby a bottle of expressed breast milk in the car. You can even pump in the passenger seat on long car drives. If your baby is really little, it helps if you have someone in the back with the baby to help them with the bottle. Some babies won’t drink from a bottle but even the smell can be comforting.
This worked well for us on this long trip because our baby has just started crawling. It meant he could have milk and sleep in the car and then when we did stop for breaks he could stretch and wriggle and get some exercise ready for the next leg of driving.
Plan your trip around nap times
Sometimes you have to drive a long way, much longer than nap time, and we all know babies don’t nap on cue! But if you can leave when your baby is drowsy then you have the best chance of a peaceful drive.
When you are driving and your baby is asleep, don’t stop for anything!! Stopping the car often wakes the baby up to make sure everyone has been to the toilet, you’ve got drinks and snacks and the petrol tank is full.
Food!
If your baby is young and rear facing, then the car seat is quite reclined and it’s generally unsafe to eat in the car.
If your baby is old enough and upright enough a pouch of baby food or some baby biscuits can go a long way.
Avoid foods that are choking hazards such as sausages and grapes in the car.
Sit in the back
If your baby has older siblings they can be very entertaining in the back seat! My 6 and 4-year-old were hilarious and helpful with our baby on this car drive. They passed him toys and shook rattles and let him suck on their fingers. Or if there is another driver you can sit in the back with your baby.
Compassionate meditation
Listening to your baby crying in the car is extremely stressful. If you really can’t cope with the stress of your baby crying you may need to pull over until you can drive safely again.
One way of keeping your own stress level reasonable is compassion meditation. This technique has been practised in Buddhism and has more recently been researched by neuroscientist Richard Davidson.
In a nutshell…
With your eyes open and safely on the road, imagine your baby.
On each inhalation imagine that you take in your baby’s suffering. Picture the pain and anguish leaving your baby’s body and going into yours.
On each exhalation imagine the suffering is transformed into compassion. Direct the compassion back to your baby, a gift of empathy and love that will envelop your baby.
“Compassion meditation produces a trio of changes. First, it decreases personal distress, as reflected in decreased activation of the amygdala. Second, it increases activation in regions of the brain associated with goal-directed behaviour, as reflected in increased activation of the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex (the goal, in this case, is relieve the suffering…) Third, it increases the connectivity between the prefrontal cortex, the insole (where a representation of the body occur), and the nucleus accumbens (where motivation and reward are processed.) Rather than becoming depressed by suffering, people who are trained in compassion meditation develop a strong disposition to alleviate suffering and to wish others to be happy.”
- Richard Davidson, The Emotional Life of Your Brain
When all else fails
Turn on some music and put your foot down! Sometimes crying can’t be helped and you may need to tune out your baby’s crying in order to drive safely. Give your baby an extra big cuddle when you get there.
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