Podcast - Episode 7 - Dad's Perspective On Postpartum Care
You Are Here Because You Believe Birth Is About Making Mums Too.
Interview with Dylan
As a Newborn Mother, you are being invited to reinvent yourself because when a baby is born so is a mother, and the birth of a mother can be more intense than childbirth. You'll learn how to find peace and joy in the first 40 days after birth and how your postpartum experience can change your life.
In this episode, I am joined by my husband, Dylan. When I announced my first pregnancy, I was hit with a barrage of advice (not all helpful), whilst Dylan didn’t get any tips at all.
So in this podcast, Dylan shares what he has learned as a father of three children and what he wished someone had told him right back at the beginning of his journey to parenthood.
Dylan talks about the three things families can do to smooth the transition from couple to family; buying services instead of things, focusing on the birth AND the time afterwards, and sharing the physical and emotional load.
Tune in to learn more on this and other exciting topics!
On the podcast I'm chatting to my husband Dylan, about the fact that as a pregnant woman I got a barrage of advice, and as a man he got NONE! So I asked him the question we often discuss as women, what has he learned about fatherhood and what does he wish he'd known before becoming a father himself? He shares his top three tips for smoothing the transition from couple to family.
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What You Will Learn
[01:13] Dylan’s experience being advised when entering fatherhood
Dylan says he didn’t get much advice entering fatherhood outside of some confusing comments from friends.
He says this very unlike mothers who are given lots of advice, most of it related to birth and often based on fear!
[03:40] Buying services instead of things
Dylan has learned from having three children to give preference to buying services instead of stuff. He says he has a roll-up-your-sleeves mentality, and he used to be reluctant to pay for things he could do himself, but he’s learned it's worth it.
Over time there has been a more clear decision for his family to get help around the house to relieve stress around the family workload.
They have paid for private midwives, getting meals delivered, extra cleaning and childcare for older children.
He says this gives physical and mental time to be present with baby and partner.
[12:03] Focusing on the birth AND the time afterwards
Dylan says there wasn't much thought for him about what the next 12-24 months after the birth would look like. He recommends that new parents check in regularly about their expectations and when they want to return to work.
Having a baby doesn’t always lead to a big life change in a man’s career but has a huge impact on the mother’s.
Dylan assumed that I would thrive and want to be with the kids full time, so it was a shock when I wanted to return to work 9 months after our first baby. Dylan went down to 4 days a week and became a much more present father.
By the third child, it was less confronting as we were checking in with each other more often.
[19:33] Sharing the emotional and physical load
Dylan says that sharing the emotional and physical load is more of a discussion in recent years compared to 8 years ago when we had their first child. He finds it hard to talk about fatherhood with another guy because it sounds feminine, but his role as a feminist drives him to talk to other guys about it.
When it comes to household tasks, Dylan finds that whole areas of life responsibilities can get taken over by the stay at home partner. I love cooking and because I cook every night I naturally know what shopping is needed. However, I don’t love shopping, so Dylan takes care of that.
Dylan also is the go-to for any medical appointments which add up when you have three kids.
He says when there's an imbalance of responsibility, it’s easy for resentment to kick in. Fights are often not about one thing but how it all adds up.
The gap in responsibility can start small with your first baby but grow as you have more children. The hard conversations we have had as a family contribute to how happily married we are.
[26:39] The benefits of investing in the physical and emotional load
It's a special time, do whatever you can to enjoy it as a family and relieve some of the pressures.
It's an investment in the family, marriage and working lives. This puts focus on the things that matter.
Consider allocating as much as you can to getting support. You can never have too much help.
Newborn Mother’s Podcast
I'm chatting to my husband Dylan, about the fact that as a pregnant woman I got a barrage of advice, and as a man he got NONE! So I asked him the question we often discuss as women, what has he learned about fatherhood and what does he wish he'd known before becoming a father himself? He shares his top three tips for smoothing the transition from couple to a family.
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