Podcast - Episode 11 - 21st Century Village Building
You Are Here Because You Believe Birth Is About Making Mums Too.
Interview with Rafferty Hallows
As a Newborn Mother, you are being invited to reinvent yourself because when a baby is born so is a mother, and the birth of a mother can be more intense than childbirth. You'll learn how to find peace and joy in the first 40 days after birth and how your postpartum experience can change your life.
In this episode, we are joined by Rafferty Hollows, a postpartum doula and professional organiser who is dedicated to helping young Melbourne families find their flow. Rafferty co-hosts the Facebook group Mental Mamas United which they created to help parents with mental illnesses.
Rafferty also facilitates a workshop titled Language Fucking Matters. This is designed to support doulas to confidently use gender-inclusive language, create meaningful impact outside of social media and stand in integrity while resisting cancel culture and 'woke' ideology.
Rafferty shares different village building strategies. They talk about being honest about what you are feeling and being specific about the kind of help you need.
Tune in to learn more on this and other important topics!
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What You Will Learn
[00:43] About Rafferty
Rafferty is a postpartum doula and professional organiser who helps new families find their flow.
Postpartum depression is most common four years after the birth of the first child. Rafferty says it got harder as the kids got older because sleep deprivation set in and the kid's needs increased.
Rafferty has three children under 5 years of age and experienced postpartum depression after having their second and third babies.
[02:31] How Rafferty was feeling before finding a village
Rafferty was the first in their circle of friends to have a child and didn’t have them to connect with. They were part of a mothers group but were much younger than the others and didn’t find a connection there either.
Rafferty fell pregnant again when their eldest was only 16 weeks old and so they had two children under one. They experienced depression because they didn't have the support they needed as a new parent from anyone outside of their husband.
Birth doula training opened them up to people who were passionate about women's health, community and connection.
“We say that the village or community is dead, I don't think that's true. I think that we just stopped looking for it because we’re told that it's not there.”
[04:53] Rafferty's village building strategies
Everywhere Rafferty went, they would smile at strangers, especially at other mums, as a way to signal that they were open to friendships.
Rafferty also started offering help to everyone. They discovered that opening themselves up would invite opportunities for others to help them in return as a two-way relationship.
Moving into a nicer neighbourhood helped a lot to open up opportunities to smile and chat with their neighbours. Casual connections are really valuable.
[09:34] Being honest about what you are going through
“I used to consider myself a chronic oversharer” and used to feel self-conscious about that. Then Rafferty realised it was actually about inviting connection.
Being honest about how they were feeling let others open up too, it allowed for both people to offer help and friendship to each other.
[12:18] Being specific about the kind of help you want
Rafferty stopped asking people for help from people who would not help them in the way they wanted, as that ended up becoming stressful.
Started being very specific about the type of help they needed. Most of the time, what Rafferty needed was company whilst doing the jobs they needed.
“Embrace the chaos”
“Go out and meet people, you don't have to be an extrovert to go and connect with another parent”
Connect with Rafferty
Rafferty Hallows is a postpartum doula and professional organiser, supporting Melbourne families to live their best life. Rafferty works with all kinds of families, celebrating the diverse and often complex make-up of a family.
Rafferty is super pumped to co-host the facebook group Mental Mamas United, a group that was created to break down the stigma surrounding parenting with mental illness. Rafferty believes that consciously creating communities has the power to change the world - we were never meant to do this alone.
When they aren’t chasing after three small boys, Rafferty enjoys crafting, Harry Potter (Hufflepuff represent!), snuggles with their lover, sunshine and coffee!
You can find out more about Rafferty connect on Instagram
* Rafferty recently changed their name, and is referred to in the podcast recording as Phoebe.
We discussed this study of happiness: https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_pinker_the_secret_to_living_longer_may_be_your_social_life/transcript?language=en
Newborn Mother’s Podcast
Do you feel like you've lost your village and don't know how to find it? Rafferty shows us simple, practical and affordable ways that they have built their own village. As a parent of three boys close in age in Melbourne they went on a mission to smile at strangers, meet friends for grocery shopping dates and more!
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